A letter to snow plow drivers

Dear Sirs and/or Madams,

Let me start by apologizing for whatever I seem to have done to you and/or your ilk. I have wracked my brain and still cannot think of a single thing that I may have done to wrong you, but I must have, clearly. I know you must have taken great pleasure as you saw my wee little red Honda coming up the highway entrance ramp just as you were approaching in the far right lane. Oh how many a night you must have dreamed about this exact scenario.... What glee it must have brought you to think of the many ways you could exact your revenge on me. I am picturing you thinking :"Oh my god, is that really her? Can this be true? The gods are shining on me today....." . Your heart starts to pound and the excitement wells up in your throat as you speed up, snow plow firmly on ground and tilted to the right, the perfect angle... And then with one satisfying scrape... you heave the entire contents of snow, slush, dirt , mung and lord knows what else onto my unsuspecting vehicle. That must have been quite the release for you... So it probably felt even better when you gave the signal to the two drivers behind you to just finish me off. Do you guys always travel in packs?

The fact that I couldn't see at all out of my drivers side or rear window (thank god for windshield wipers or I surely would have crashed) didn't seem like injury enough, did it? So you had to go and add the insult of honking at me when I was finally able to get onto the highway and into an actual lane. Oh and then you tried to run me out of my newly found lane by getting over on me without looking. Oh... yeah? You didn't see me? Then you should probably honk at me again.

So now that my once red car is now a fine lumpy layer of brown sludge that will probably never come off, are we even? Have I paid my debt? Is there something else that you need for me to show you how truly sorry I am? No need for you to respond in kind with a letter. You can just plow the street in front of my house just once during the winter and I will then know that all is right between us. Ok?

Sincerely,

The driver who really appreciates what you do when it snows and promises never to curse you again when you don't plow any of the actual streets near my house so my tiny little-low-to-the ground car can't make it out without flooring it, eyes closed and screaming like a banshee in the hope that when I land it will be on a street that has been plowed.

(Way to start the day eh? I wavered between the feeling of crying or laughing at the insanity of the situation after I was able to slightly see where I was going. I chose to laugh, but I might cry later when I see the horrid cake of mush on my car. )

I hope you all are having a better start to your day.